Caribbean Idiots Inc
by Annelie
Summary: What writer's block does to already refined idiocy...
1. Jack's Unhappiness

Hello everyone,

I'm an amateur. (I'm also an idiot, but that's beside the point…or maybe not.) How do I know this? Because only amateurs get writer's block. I've had writer's block for quite some time now. One of the best ways to get rid of writer's block is supposedly to write down whatever comes into your head. I have quite a lot of stuff coming into my head (very little of which is intelligible to other people). Here's some of it.

(Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Pirates of the Caribbean, nor am I likely to ever make any money from anything I've written about it. I'm just making fun of it…I think.)****

******

Ten years ago Jack Sparrow was happy.

He ruled the Caribbean with his ship, the Black Pearl, and his first mate, Barbossa.

Then something terrible happened.

Jack was made governor of a beautiful island filled with rum,

and some bitch came along and burned it all! 

**


	2. Will's Compensation

**

Will Turner was an ordinary boy,

until he went to the Caribbean to look for his father.

Then something terrible happened.

When he was saved from the burning wreckage of a ship

someone hauled him up by his crotch using a very sharp boat hook.

Will is now a maker of very long swords.

**

(Disclaimer: see chapter 1)


	3. Elizabeth's Kleptomania

**

Elizabeth Swann was a kleptomaniac.

She stole things all the time

and felt very sorry for herself.

Then she went to the Caribbean,

where something terrible happened.

She nicked a medallion 

and was kidnapped by a bunch of skeleton pirates.

Elizabeth then realised that being a kleptomaniac 

might not be so bad after all.

"For the poor pirates," she said earnestly, "are clearly anorexic."

**

(Disclaimer: see chapter 1)


	4. Norrington's Wig

Amateur's note: Wow. I can't believe people are actually bothering to leave reviews for this! *bows deeply* Thank you everyone, it makes a good pastime while waiting for this really annoying bout of flu to pass. Anyway, some more random idiocy coming up...

**

James Edward Norrington is a very alert guy.

No, really, he is.

That's because he has eyes in the back of his head.

Except that those eyes are not really his.

They belong to the piece of sheep he wears for a wig.

The sheep's name is Charlie.

Sometimes Charlie falls asleep.

That's why Norrington didn't notice 

when Elizabeth fell off the battlements

and when Jack and Will stole the Dauntless.

**

(Disclaimer: see chapter 1)


	5. Barbossa's Envy

**

One day Barbossa tried on black eyeliner,

but it looked better on Jack.

This made Barbossa very jealous,

so he kicked Jack off the ship.

Then he tried on a low-cut purple dress,

but it looked better on Elizabeth,

so he kicked her off the ship too.

Finally, Barbossa tried to market his own perfume,

"Barbossa: Envy".

Ufortunately, some bugger named Gucci had already thought of that.

**

(Disclaimer: see chapter 1)


	6. Mr Gibbs' Side whiskers

**

Have you ever wondered 

why Mr Gibbs' side whiskers look so familiar?

That's because he used to play Wolverine in X-men.

Then, one day, something terrible happened.

He ate all of Storm's Mars bars 

and so caused a massive earthquake.

As a punishment he was relegated to the Caribbean.

And you wonder why he's so superstitious about women??

**

(Disclaimer: see chapter 1)


	7. Ragetti nails Pintel

Amateur's note:Hey everyone. Unfortunately that flu thing I had while writing the previous chapters didn't last very long, and now I've been back at work for almost a week, so I haven't had the time to do any more silly scribblings...except the one below and the one in the next chapter. Er, right. I would add "enjoy!" to the end of this note, but I'm not sure if you will, and I don't want to seem stupid(er) so...anyway...

**

Have you ever wondered

why it's always "Pintel and Ragetti"

and not "Ragetti and Pintel"?

Well, so has Ragetti.

In fact, one day he got so fed up with being upstaged by Pintel

that he took a gun and shot him.

Unfortunately, he forgot that the curse had already been lifted

so Pintel died.

This made Ragetti very upset

so he went and got himself a manicure.

Then he felt better.

**

(Disclaimer: see chapter 1)


	8. Pintel's PeepHole Show

Extra disclaimer: This story is not mine originally (if anyone know it's original source, please tell me), all I did was to replace the original characters with Pintel and Ragetti, because I can just imagine the two of them in this situation! Oh, and no farm birds were hurt in the writing of this story, so don't send any animal rights organisations to kick my poor behind...

**

Pintel and Ragetti were having a night out in Tortuga. They went into a tavern.

Ragetti immediately joined the queue for the peep-hole show in the back,

but Pintel, who was a bit more "desperate", went up to the tavern mistress and asked what "company" he could get for two shillings. The woman pointed to a door.

When Pintel opened it there was nice-looking wench waiting for him on a bed, 

and they had some fun. Some time later, Pintel was still desperate, so he asked the tavern mistress what company he could get for one shilling. The woman pointed to another door.

When Pintel opened it there was a not-so-nice-looking wench waiting for him on a bed, but he had some fun with her too.

Yet some time later, Pintel's desperation was no less, but he didn't have any money left, so he went to the tavern mistress and asked what company he could get for free. The woman then led him out of the tavern and round to a back yard, where there was a hen scratching the ground.

Pintel hesitated for a moment, but then got over himself and had some fun with the hen. Half an hour later he joined Ragetti in the tavern bar.

"What's the peep-hole show like tonight?" he asked.

"Oh, excellent!" giggled Ragetti. "Just half an hour ago there was some idiot who got it on with a hen!"

**

(Usual disclaimer: see chapter 1)


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